Sunday, October 3, 2010

Mommy Meltdown....

Well I'm going to just come clean here, to anyone who cares to listen- I've been having a hard couple weeks. lol The title didn't give you a hint now did it? :) Don't get me wrong, my world is not falling apart, we haven't gotten any bad news, nothing big has even happened. But between my hormones, my schedule, my sweet daughter (who has been grumpy/not feeling the best), my husband's inconsistent schedule, and the length of my 'to do list', I'm definitely not feeling at my best.

And if you didn't notice in that last sentence, the number of 'my's in it should tell you everything you need to know. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I can't even come close to being adequate. I know that I am not the only one to ever feel this way, nor will I be the last, and I'm also more than aware that I probably would feel 5x better than I do if it weren't for the fact that my pregnant/hormonal-self magnifies every little emotion by 100! But either way, this is where I've been and today, it just all broke down! :)

Brookelynne (as I mentioned) has been feeling a little bad lately. I'm 99.9% sure that she's not sick, and that she's just cutting a tooth and/or has allergies, but either way, she's had a runny nose for days now and therefore couldn't go to the nursery and had to stay with me in Sunday School/church. (Mitch couldn't come to church because of that crazy schedule stuff I mentioned earlier!) Soooo, she did well enough in Sunday School and I was able to stay in there for most of it, but wasn't going to even attempt to be quiet in the service, so I went ahead and went to the car and gave her a bottle, and she went right to sleep. She slept for about 25 minutes and then woke up screaming. I started driving toward lunch (since I had just been sitting in the garage), as she continued to scream louder and harder. My dad was taking us to Beach Road, and while I love that restaurant for me, Brookelynne is still not at a point where she can eat just what they serve, and since I hadn't packed her lunch, I had to go to the store. So I was going to stop at the Publix, but they were closed for renovations, and by this time I was starting to cry because she was screaming so loudly. So as I started farther down Atlantic, I couldn't think of any grocery stores anywhere close and several miles down the road, saw a Winn Dixie sign. I pulled into the parking lot, and got her out just as quickly as I could, and as I sat down in the back seat with her, just started to cry. I was trying to get a diaper out because I knew she would need a change, when I realized that her diaper had leaked all the way up her back and all over her dress. So I started undressing her (me still sitting in the back seat of the car, still crying), and when I went to take off her diaper, she started screaming again. Any guesses on how I handled that? :) Yeah, more crying, louder, harder crying.

So I sucked it up and got her changed and redressed and headed inside the store, both of us with beet red faces. I got to the toddler isle and my phone rang. It was my mom who had just gotten out of the service, asking if I had left the garage yet. I then broke down all over again, right there in the store! lol. Any takers on how that looked? (on top of which, my daughter finds it hilarious when I cry, as long as I'm not sobbing loudly, so while I'm crying on the phone to my mother, she's touching my nose and laughing at me...and no, I'm so not kidding!) Anyway, my mom of course told me she would be right there, and shortly after getting to the car, she drove up. Brookelynne was of course a perfect little angel by this point, but I was still ready to sob every time someone even looked at me. Soooo, after 20 minutes in the parking lot, trying to reassure me that I'm a great mom and not a failure at anything, much less everything (which was what I felt like at the time), I was able to leave. Of course, I drove my mom's car while she drove Brookelynne, but none the less, I wasn't crying and that was quite a milestone!

Anyway, I think it was just what needed to happen because this week is going to be even more hectic than the past few, so I guess I just needed that release before everything gets even more crazy! And just as long as I remember that the Lord is there to hold those burdens for me, and that I have plenty of friends and family who are more than willing/happy to help me, I think I'll be okay! :)

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry you've been having a rough time lately. Even if it is just hormones...that doesn't make it any more fun. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help -- and I'm SERIOUS! If you need for Brooke to come over and play with Dallas one day so you can have a day to yourself, we would be happy to do that for you! Hopefully Dallas has enough toys to keep her preoccupied and she won't even realized you're not here! Let me know, Jen!